Sudden Fiction 1st Draft

Cole, the Lightning Thief

            My name is Cole Shogun and just like anyone of you citizens I was just like you before the explosion occurred.  It was just like any other day, a 16 year old boy like myself leaving school and heading home until I heard a lady screaming. Two guys were holding here down and the third guy was unzipping his pants. I was so nervous, I just kept asking myself, “what to do Cole what to do, you can be a hero and save this girl or you can let her get raped and mostly killed afterwards.” Like an idiot I decided to be a hero that day, which was the greatest mistake of my life or to others it was the beginning of a better change in the world. Luckily for the lady I took gymnastics and climbed the building next to them. On top of the roof I was now above two of the criminals. “Here goes nothing,”he said and jumped off the roof aiming for the two guys.

          Surprisingly, I actually hit both of them. The lady then took this opportunity as a chance to escape and she did. “Yes, I can’t believe I did that, a job well done I would say so myself.” So excited, I forgot there was one more criminal left. “You will regret what you did kid,” and he was right because before I knew it he took a crowbar and knocked me out. The next thing I know, I was strapped down in a weird place.

With all the technology and high tech tools around me I assumed I was in some weird laboratory. “Where am I,” not realizing I said this thought out loud, someone answered in the shadows, “this is my lab, do you like?” Scared to death yet somehow I had the courage to respond back, “who are you and I understand this is a lab, but exactly where is this lab.” The man took some time to think, I assumed he was debating on whether to respond to me or not.  Finally, the man spoke as he stepped out of the darkness and said “don’t worry about how you got here or where you are at, the importance is that you are here and you shall fulfill my dream.” “But,” and before I could finished the man cut me off and states his name. “My name is Dr. Lee and you will be my New Guinea pig.” Within a matter of minutes I felt excruciating pain and realized this mad man was electrocuting my body.

The electricity was soaring through my veins, my fingertips, my brain, and lastly my heart. I didn’t think I could survive; I felt like giving up and wanted to die right then and there. I knew my body wanted to and yet the same feeling when saving that lady before came soaring within me. Many people would call this feeling many things, such as adrenaline or courage; instead I call this feeling being foolish. Since I felt like I was fighting the inevitable, but then seeing Dr. Lee face made me lose it. Smiling, delighted to see my pain, filled me with anger and hate; I just knew I couldn’t die here, not now, not ever. “So I see you like seeing my pain, you like seeing people suffer, well two can play at that game.” I screamed so loud and used all the strength within me to break the straps that were binding me down.

I could see it in the doctor face, my actions was truly upsetting him. “Stop it I command you to stop!” he shouted. ‘Don’t you realize what you are doing, he added, you are causing my babies to malfunction.” He shouldn’t have told me that because I really lost it and was giving everything I had to be set free. Somehow I finally broke the straps and when I did the lab exploded. Till this day I don’t know how I survived that chaos or the experimenting part. I guess it just wasn’t my time to leave this earth without doing some good first because when I woke up and shook the debris off of me, I felt strange and realized that I obtain electrical powers.

Before the cops came I quickly left the scene. Now I know what you are all thinking, why didn’t I use these powers for selfish greed and wealth, well I can’t answer that question and most likely never will be able to. What I do know and what you all must understand is that I chose to use my powers for the greater good. I formed a team when I realized that Dr. Lee experimented with other kids before he did with me and together we look out for citizens and help our city whenever we can. Now you all know my story, for “I am Cole the Lightning thief and will shock the world with my powers and villains to justice.”

Reflection

The feedbacks that I received from people were all generally on the same path. That I needed to provide more imagery and more background information to my main character and even some foreshadowing if possible.  In addition, to maybe putting the sudden twist near the end rather than the beginning. These critiques were nice and all but the hard part comes with how to fix my story the way the reader can get a better understanding of it. Almost everyone that critiqued my story understood it except for one person and to me that’s unacceptable. I guess once I put more background information on my protagonist and more imagery, my flow of thought will come in to make my story even better.

The message that I want to give to my readers is that even your greatest mistakes is a blessing. The protagonist of my story dreaded his whole day and the outcome of almost being killed. But at the end of the day he obtained a new power that most humans aren’t given so easily. In addition, my protagonist decided to take the honorable path and use his new found power for justice rather than evil. So again the message that I want my readers to understand is to never regret what mistake you done, even if in your heart you know what you did was wrong as long as you know what you did was wrong then that should be good enough for you or if you know what you did was the right thing then don’t let anything or anyone change that idea, believe in yourself. Also just like my protagonist received a gift and decided to use it for good people should do the same. Always do good whenever you can even if there isn’t a reward from it.